Insecurities are just questions. That’s all they are.
“Will I be good enough for [that] job?”
“Am I accepted by [this] group even though I lack [that]?”
“Can I have real friends who are [overweight, too tall, too short, too skinny, etc.]?”
“Does my spouse love me when all the magazines are filled with perfect people, and I’m not one of those people?”
“How can I be a good parent with the examples I had growing up?”
Some of the questions that you’re asking yourself are rhetorical, but most of the questions require an answer.
Depending on whether you decide to answer these questions or not, your insecurities can become either instruments of self-actualization or obstacles to overcome.
Your insecurities can become obstacles when you disregard the questions you need to ask yourself. As a result, they become statements about who you are.
To avoid this, start by phrasing your insecurities as questions and then address them head on. Give a detailed answer to each question including your personal history, circumstances, and environment. Do it out loud. Finish your answer with options and steps that you can take to improve, change or readjust what you need to for a better result.
There is no problem without a solution because when a problem arises, the solution is born with it.
Here are 7 ways that have helped me learn how to stop being insecure.
1. Have compassion for yourself
From the minute you are born, life is constructing your personal history. Some of the events in your life are consequences of your actions, some are due to chance; some are under your control and some are not.
No matter the case, treat yourself with compassion. Trust that you are doing the best you can at every given moment in your life.
Having compassion for yourself gives you the break you need from everything and everyone else, the break to recharge yourself with love and understanding.
Trust yourself that you have done the best you can with what you know. When you know better, you will do better.
2. Practice constructive envy
How can a negative feeling like envy be put to constructive use?
Any and every feeling you have is useful in some way under the right circumstances. Channeled in the right direction, even a negative feeling like envy can produce positive results.
Here’s how to use envy to address your insecurities.
When you feel inferior to someone or are insecure about being around that person, you get envy! Put your interpersonal skills to good use by studying why you are envious of this person.
Collaborate with that person and find out:
What is making you feel inferior?
Where is your insecurity coming from?
What is that person doing better than and how can you get similar results?
What is their secret to be more successful than you are?
Add any questions that you might find useful to model your subject.
Turning your insecurities into envy and asking these types of questions can uncover a surprising truth. That truth is the fact that many people who intimidate you are not as great as you think. This will level the playing field.
It happens. It happens because what makes you feel insecure and intimidated is not who other people are or how well they know certain things, but rather it is your internal dialogue; the way you perceive yourself and how you speak to yourself.
3. Positive internal dialogue
A negative internal dialogue is like a peppermint candy in a bottle of fizzy drink. It explodes when you least expect and makes a big mess.
Pay attention to the positive and beautiful things that are all around. Stop overthinking things. In time, practicing positive thinking about things and other people will grow your positive mental perspective so that, pretty soon, you see yourself in a positive light as well.
Respond to your insecure questions positively.
- “Will I be good enough for [that] job?” “Yes, I will!”
- “Am I accepted by [this] group even though I lack [that]?” “I am and if I am not, I will find a different group to share my ideas and passions.”
- “Can I have real friends being [overweight, too tall, too short, too skinny, etc.]?” “Yes, I can. I’m much more than [what you can see on the outside] and those who can’t accept me as I am have no place in my life.”
- “Does my spouse loves me when all the magazines are filled with perfect people, and I’m not one of those people?” “My spouse didn’t marry a magazine perfect poster, but a human being. We are perfectly imperfect for each other.”
- “How can I be a good parent with the examples I had growing up?” “I can be a good parent no matter my past.”
Sometimes you won’t entirely believe the answer you give yourself. However, your subconscious mind will not allow you be a liar. In those instances, view your answers like positive self-fulfilling prophecies.
As it works with your negative self-fulfilling prophecies, it works with the positive ones as well. It is the same mechanism: your unconscious mind helps you to prove you are right no matter what you say: negative or positive about yourself and your abilities.
4. You don’t have to justify your existence to others
You deserve to walk this Earth as much as the next person does. You are entitled to pursue happiness, freedom and love in this life as much as the next person does.
Your road in life belongs to you. Be happy with what you have. Own it and pave your journey through life as you please.
5. Invest more in your passions
Everything you are passionate about becomes an instrument to help you overcome insecurities.
Invest time and energy in one passion and allow it to branch out into other areas of your life. This will help you build up your strengths, abilities, and skills.
6. Life is not an exam that you have to pass
Even though insecurities can be a teaching tool for you, life as a whole is not an exam. It is not pass/fail or graded. Life is giving you many chances and even more opportunities. Train your mind to see, notice, and identify what you are given and then take advantage of life’s gifts.
Yes, you will make mistakes…who doesn’t?! That is how we learn to be better next time; that is how you know how far have you come and that is how you know what works for you and what doesn’t.
Be ready to acknowledge and give yourself credit for every big or small accomplishment in your life.
Know who you are and who you are not because allowing others to define that for you is taking your self-esteem and self-appreciation away. Why? For the simple fact that you can’t possibly satisfy everybody.
Therefore, who are you? Who are you if not the one you define yourself to be?
7. Reframe your weaknesses
It is true; you are not the best at everything, and perhaps you are justified to be insecure about certain things. However, your weaknesses are opportunities to grow and to discover new and exciting things.
Reframe your weaknesses as opportunities. Get curious about the ways you can improve every aspect of your life.
If you were perfect, you would have no drive to stay alive. Life would be boring. The point of living is to grow through time; to be pushed forward by all the things you don’t know today. Therefore, view your weaknesses as colorful incentives for self-discovery.
Rest assured that flaws and insecurities are bridges to be crossed, they are not who you are as a person.
Now, do you feel challenged to answer some questions? Is it the provocation in this article enough to help you reframe your insecurities and turn them into questions? If not yet or yes, feel free to share your experience with the rest of us because we learn the most from those like us.