Why You Should Get an MBA (kind of)

Really, You Should

The MBA is one of the most valuable credentials a person can pursue, especially at a top tier university. The MBA teaches you the 5% of business that isn’t about human behavior and working with people. It teaches you how to sit for exams and recite concepts, which is an essential skill when trying to win a new client or launch a product to the consumer market. The MBA teaches you how to follow the rules and accept established conventions—just like Steve Jobs did throughout his career.

The MBA is taught by people who have read a lot of books about business and spent a lot of time publishing papers about what they learned from reading those books—true experts in the field. MBA projects simulate real life situations to prevent you from having to learn any actual lessons from your mistakes, and probably still can get a passing grade in spite of them. If you go to a really prestigious university, you might even be afforded the opportunity to be placed in an internship at a brand-name company where you will be equally shielded from the costs of your mistakes.

A Harvard MBA is especially quite a deal. At a total cost of $182,400 for two years of tuition, room, and board, it’s a mere 2,432 times the cost of buying a web domain, getting a professionally designed logo, and putting up a landing page to test a market idea. And there’s obviously no real business you could launch in 2 years anyway, so your opportunity cost is next to nothing.

The MBA program has it all figured out too. Probably because the program is delivered by textbook writers, they have the clairvoyance to know just what problems you are going to face when you actually get into the real world, and they’ve developed a perfectly engineered curriculum so you face no uncertainties and have to endure no ambiguity.

Indeed, with “MBA” after your name, everybody in the world will know just how much money you spent to be absolutely certain of everything, and will be impressed with your ability to create powerpoint presentations and spreadsheets with fancy words nobody else understands, and magical models that can explain everything about the world.

VCs will be falling over themselves to fund your startups, too. Just like they did with other famous MBA startup success stories like.… …. …. .… ….

Your professors will tell you how smart you are, how you are among an elite group of people destined to change the world. Many of your classmates will go on to do rewarding and fulfilling work like investment banking and management consulting—changing the world, one credit default swap at a time.

But the best reason to get an MBA is to not end up a loser like so many other people who—had they only gone to B-School, could have made an impact and become wealthy and famous. Losers like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, Larry Ellison, Jack Dorsey, and others.

Instead, you could be like George W. Bush.

Title photo credit: flickr
Photo credit: flickr