Hint: you might not deserve to be confident.
One of my favorite quotes of all time (that coincidently changed my perspective on how to build self confidence) was delivered by Steve Jobs in an interview:
“Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you, and you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that others can use.” – Steve Jobs
Self confidence is the result of the impact you make in the world.
The world is not permanent, I think deep down we all realize that but even with this knowledge most of us don’t spend any of our time trying to change it.
This bothers me. Being a maker is one of the things I love most about myself.
Giving myself the permission to take my ideas and turn them into real things has been one of the biggest drivers of building confidence in my life so far.
Heck, even just the knowledge that I can take virtually any idea, no matter how crazy, and through some combination of Google searches and strategic partnerships can get it out into the world for others to enjoy has allowed me to view life very differently.
But most people don’t ever have that experience. They just accept the world as it is and never try to create anything.
If you are one of these people… then I have some bad news – you might not deserve to be confident.
BUT I also have good news for you… you can also build confidence and you won’t have to fake it. All it takes is this one thing.
These are the 4 key things you need to realize about building self confidence and self-esteem.
1. Confidence is like money. We all want it but most of us don’t actually have it.
Some of us try to pretend that we do. We share posts that show us in the absolute best light possible, we talk big in front of our friends, and we rehearse lines to satisfy the other half of our conversations, but the truth is that most of us are usually just a few steps away from dropping the facade and wallowing in the many many things that we dislike about ourselves.
Now, I’m not sure who is reading this article and as such I can’t comment on your personal experience with this so instead I’ll just pull back the curtain and share my own…
The truth is that I’m massively lacking in the confidence department with most things.
This lack of confidence often presents itself in the form of peacocking or lying to myself and the people around me.
I feel a deep seated urge to share my minor successes in the hopes that it will lead to recognition. If those successes aren’t impressive then I will sub-consciously try to find ways to make them sound better, and when that recognition isn’t received I’m left feeling like a burden who everyone secretly hates being around.
I don’t need to tell you that this isn’t a healthy way to live.
2. You can become confident by leaning into that ‘one thing’
But here’s something interesting that I’ve learned… I am also enormously confident when it comes to one thing.
When I’m working towards creating something new for the world, when I learn a new skill, when I start a new project, I’m fully aware of how awesome that act is.
I’m at my best in that moment, I stand a little taller, look the world in the face, and smile a big toothy smile.
And, not surprisingly, the world tends to give me the recognition I so desperately crave when I am in this mode.
Here’s the difference between those two scenarios and the main insight to be taken away:
When I’m lacking confidence and feeling like a burden it’s usually because I expect the world to hand me my confidence. I haven’t necessarily done anything worth feeling confident about, but I still expect it to be there and the fact that it’s not makes the cycle worse.
When I’m feeling good it’s usually because I’ve put in the work to earn my confidence. I’ve built something, I’ve changed the world around me, I’ve affected others for the better. The confidence is there because I’ve worked to earn it.
Makes sense doesn’t it?
3. Confidence and self-esteem, like any aspect of life, need to be earned.
In fact, confidence without effort is usually referred to as something else – arrogance.
But the beautiful thing about the world we live in is that there has never been an easier way to earn your confidence than there is today. We all have the tools to make things happen, we all have the resources to fill in our knowledge gaps, and we all have the ability to connect with anyone we’d like to.
Everything that we need to earn confidence is right in front of us, all we need is the willingness to start even if we don’t always feel confident.
For me, being a maker has been one of the most incredible aspects of my life. The confidence it has given me and the skills I’ve gained have opened doors I didn’t even know existed and so if there is one thing I can leave you with at the end of this article it’s this:
4. Go make something. That is what develops true self confidence.
The world is not permanent, you can change everything around you with the right combination of ingredients. The best way to start is simply to create something, no matter what it is, and share it with the people around you.
And hey, if you do decide to create something feel free to join me in my private Facebook community to share what that thing is: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1857754001117714/
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